Yeah, that's YOU, dummy. I know I'm just an insignificant little member to you. You don't think about me much. You don't call. You don't write. But next time you decide to reach into the dishwasher for a dirty spoon to shove leftovers down the garbage disposal with, try looking. My buddies left eye and right eye are good at multi-tasking, you can swivel them my way to avoid jabbing the tine of a filthy fork between me and my nail straight into the nail bed.
Did you know that in some places that is still used as a form of torture? It's true. I know, I'm whining. It only bled for an hour. It could've been the garbage disposal? Not likely. Middle or Index would've seen that coming and given me the head's up. So, just to make sure you don't make that mistake again, I'm going to swell and throb for the next day or so.
Don't even think about doing up those baby buttons on the back of your kid's onesies. Writing with a pen? Try it, I dare you. At least you live in the modern world and do most of your writing on a keyboard where I am not terribly overworked.
Oh, and I'll also stay red and bruised under the nail until it grows out....just so you'll know how much you hurt me. I'll probably have to go to therapy for this.
Your trusty right,